can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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