I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize