Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
