Old men and throwing up are my life now.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
