he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
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Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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