it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
