Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
