i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She announced her abortion via fbk
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
