remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We talked him into tasing himself.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
