apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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