I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
