More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
