i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
