We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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