I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
