We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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