Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
