After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
