Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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