and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
