1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
