david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
