I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
