There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
