you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
