Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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