Can Purell be used as lube?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
