HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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