I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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