i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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