is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
