Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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