wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
