You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The uberlube is also flammable
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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