I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
