i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
