just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
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I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
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Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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