You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize