we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises