my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
