I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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