I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
