i jhust puked up my retainher.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
