omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
