You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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