Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
