her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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