wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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