This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
