Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
