You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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