got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize