the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
