We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
