and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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