After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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