She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
