I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
