Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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