yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
