I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's rum buckets o'clock
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize