I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
