just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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